bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
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Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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