FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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