my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
