just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
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just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
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Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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