last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
