All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
