I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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