he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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