Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
