after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
