This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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