why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
