In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
