He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
