I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
