Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
