if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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