Hey man sorry I got all grabby
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
