Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
