There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize