I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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