Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
