Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
