"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i drank out of a bidet.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
