Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
