if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
