Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Randomize
