I feel great
I just peed on a car
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
