If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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