oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
