u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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