I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
