Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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