Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
