I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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