3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
