so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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