Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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