They should really pass out barf bags in church
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
