OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
