I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
