Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sext me about skeletons
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
