you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
