Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
