saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
