she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
