I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
