He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
FUCK WHALES
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
