I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
