Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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