I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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