This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
