Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
