If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
