Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
