I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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