I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
