Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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