Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
