pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
