you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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