So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You're like the curious george of whores
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
