remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
