It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
