In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
