how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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