made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
