omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
