I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
