I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
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This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
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I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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