yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
