Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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