I want to make a zoo with you.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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