You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
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I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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