apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
