That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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