We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
