ugly people sure do ruin things
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
